Why Are You Doing This to Me, Lord?

david murray

David Murray, the 48 year old Professor at Puritan Reformed Theological Seminary and Pastor of Free Reformed Church in Grand Rapids, has recently suffered a relapse of life threatening blood clots in his lungs.

This affliction has sobered him, and summoned him to prayerfully hear God’s “voice” to him in this providence.

His is a helpful model for us all in asking the Lord to search our hearts:

Basically God has stopped me in my tracks once again and I’ve been asking myself Why? Not at all in a rebellious way, but in a humble and teachable way. Did I miss or forget the lessons of three years ago? I’ve already had two strikes; I desperately don’t want a third.

He provides a list of “Why” options that he’s been mulling over:

1. I’ve been on the wrong track and I need to turn around and get on God’s track.

2. I’ve been going too fast on the track and need to slow down.

3. I’ve been traveling on too many tracks at the one time and I need to trim my ministry activities.

4. I’ve been pulling too many carriages behind me and I need to share burdens and delegate better.

5. I’ve been traveling on the right track but on my own steam and I need to rely on God’s “steam” alone.

6. Someone else is on the wrong track and God is using me as a warning to them.

7. My engine needs some rest and repair in a siding for a while.

8. God is preparing me for another journey, but I cannot see it round the corner yet.

9. God wants to stop me from going over a cliff or some other danger ahead.

10. God wants to end my journey. Maybe God is saying, “48 years is all I’d planned for you David. Your journey is over.”


“Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts; and see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way” (Psalm 139:23-24).

You can view David’s entire blog post here:



About savedbygrace1976

Mark Chanski (author of Manly Dominion; Womanly Dominion; and Encouragement: Adrenaline for the Soul) has labored as a full-time Pastor since 1986 in churches in Ohio and Michigan. He has been Pastor of Harbor Church in Holland, Michigan, since 1994. He has also been elected as Coordinator of the Reformed Baptist Network. He holds a Bachelor's degree from Cornerstone University, and a Master of Divinity degree from Grand Rapids Theological Seminary. He teaches Hermeneutics for the Reformed Baptist Seminary in Sacramento, CA. Mark is married to his wife Dianne, and has fathered their four sons and one daughter, whose ages stretch from 36 to 26 (born 1983 to 1994).
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